Tiki Escapades


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I Struggled, I Learnt, I Changed [Part 1]

I am on a journey of self-improvement. To be at peace with myself, with my past, with my mistakes. I’m on a journey to let go. To move on, to become a better human being. To build a healthy relationship with myself. My need for self-improvement has been there for a long long time. I have temper issues, trust issues, insecurity issues, ego issues, and a lot lot more… I never thought much of it and just thought hey that’s who I am and that’s who I’ll always be. People can accept me or not. I do have good traits too but this is about why I needed to start this journey towards being a better me.

Although I have been fully aware of my problems I never felt the need until my whole life changed overnight and it was time for me to open my eyes and look at the bigger picture. I know I am making it sound dramatic and you’re wondering OMG what happened. It’s not that big for you but it was for me, To wake up and lose the love of your life, your best friend, your whole world…

These past two months have been insanely horrible for me. My entire life just changed overnight. What I was doing the day before was suddenly gone. My entire schedule and routine changed without my knowledge. It was terrifying!

Imagine waking up one day and realizing your whole life has just gone upside down and you cannot figure out why. When you find out why you can’t figure out what randomly caused it. It just makes its 100 times harder to fix your situation. For me, it was nerve wrecking, not only did my personal life in terms with my relationship changed but work changed. Usually when I go through rough patches work keeps me supper busy and I get to take my mind off it for a few hours a day but to my bad luck work had slowed down immensely too giving me enough time in my days to drown myself in misery and self-pity.

As I mentioned in the previous post me and Timi had come back from the most beautiful amazing vacation. We hadn’t had a fight in months. So everything that happened came to me as a shock and I really didn’t know how to deal with it. I tried everything but it was beyond my understanding to figure out what on earth was going on in her head because when you look at the logical part it never made any sense. I went through days of crying and not eating being depressing and spreading nothing but negativity around me. This made me become a total introvert. I stopped going out I stopped answering phone calls I just stopped doing everything. I would wake up in the morning and force myself to sleep a bit longer so that I didn’t need to be awake for so long. I would come into the office and sit at my desk and just stare into space. I would check my phone every few seconds to see if she missed me or if she wants to stop this, stay or leave. I honestly had no clue what direction my life was going to take me in. everything just came to a standstill. My whole life just came to a sudden stop.

It was the loneliest time. I knew her problems that she had with me but this came out of nowhere. I’ll admit I never bothered to change any flows I’ve had because I didn’t think it was that big of a deal and I just said I’ll try and work on it. Never did I think that out of the blue the girl who promised me forever would get up and say I’m no longer what she requires, I’m no longer the one she wants. She said she could see her life with someone else. And that just broke me but I never let my self physically break down. I’m very realistic; everything is black and white for me. And when she said these things to me all I could do was think about her words. How does someone go from begging you to get married to saying they don’t want you anymore and they don’t love you anymore. All of a sudden, no fight nothing. It made no sense to me. She stuck by her words but she never actually left me. She just kept me waiting and waiting. And I had enough.

After trying over and over again to get her back I just deiced to let it be and do me. Because when you believe in yourself others might start to believe in you. As sad as it sounds I did do me for her. To become what she wanted. Timi told me long ago that she would always accept the bad and fall in love with the good. But that changed. There was no more accepting the bad and I had to make changes. I know they say you shouldn’t change for anyone but my love for this girl is too much for me not to. To lose her will never be an option. People tell me you shouldn’t change who you are for someone; you need to be with someone who accepts you. Don’t let anyone control your life, but I was willing to give her full control. I made many mistakes in the past and those mistakes do not define me in any way but for some reason the only way she started seeing me was bad. Everything I ever did in our entire relationship was all that I was in her eyes. And yes that’s very very unfair because I did so much good for her. I loved her endlessly, I treated her like a queen but I guess no matter how great the good the bad always over powers it. Personally I don’t believe that and that’s not what happens in my head but majority of the people seem to let the bad take over. And it was like everything good had just disappeared..

She never said she would stay with me and she never said she would leave but I thought that if I do make changes she might reconsider it and if she didn’t and she left I was mentally preparing myself for that too because I couldn’t deal with living life the way I was anymore. I couldn’t keep living in a waiting room. My relationship wasn’t a real relationship; my gf was a gf by name but not in any other way. I hardly saw her I hardly spoke to her and she was out there living a new life with new friends, a new life I had no clue about and still honestly have no clue about. And I let myself fall and I couldn’t keep falling. If she was going to keep moving forward in her life it was time I did too.. but I was doing it for her and she was doing it for herself; living a life, slowly eliminating be from any part of it. I was slowly disappearing from her life.  I had to do something. And I figured if I start to make self-improvements and if she did leave me I would still have me. A better me. And maybe one day she might see the changes, and regret ever leaving me. Don’t know but anyway it was time to start making changes to myself. That’s when my journey to self-improvement started. It was time…


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If you want to stay just stay..if you want to go just go..

WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS THING? WHOS DUMBASS IDEA WAS IT?
My gf has been doing this break shit with me out of nowhere for the past 38 days! it is a total load of bullshit!

me and timi just got back from an amazing holiday in the Maldives..we literally did everything a couple would do on their honeymoon. before we went on the holiday our relationship was really good, the only bad thing was my work load but thats obvious when your trying to get everything done before you go on vacation so you don’t have to think of work. anyway, so we go on this holiday everything is perfect. we come back and right after that i had to travel 3 times for work only coming home for 4 to 5 days in between. somehow my travels managed to make my gf realize she’s not sure if she wants to be with me or not.
while i was away she hardly spoke to me and whenever i came back in between she didn’t want to see me. i left with a clear mind thinking we just had the best holiday i really did not expect this from her.
my question is when everything is going perfectly perfect and you leave for a little bit how does your partner forget all the good times with you and starts remembering our issues from the past? is someone putting shit in her head? did she cheat and she’s guilty? every possible thing has gone through my mind.
I mean if we were going through a bad time in the moment and she did that i would understand but we have been doing more than amazing.
yes we both made many mistakes in the past maybe be more than her but i was under the assumption that it was behind us and that was the purpose of having that amazing holiday.

I think its because i travelled everything when down hill but that doest mean its ok. does it mean every time we r away from each other she is going to question us? how can someone live with that?

now its been over a month this shit has been going on and no breaks do not bring people closer. it just doesn’t!
If you are willing to make it work it might work but both people have to try hard enough. i have been working my ass off because i know the issues she has with me and I’m changing myself for her. but i don’t see the same effort from her side. its really making me question everything. why would someone say they want to spend forever with you but not even try hard enough to forget whatever they want to forget.
as far as i see it we all have the power to take control of our own thoughts. we have the power to let the positive over power the negative and vise versa. it all depends on how bad you want it.

she has made many mistakes and i used to always bring it up and she told me let it go. and I’ve learnt how to so why can’t she tame her mind to do the same?
honestly the way i see it this break isn’t about us because if it was n she truly wanted us to work she would be trying it wouldn’t tae 38 days! i see it as this being way for her to get freedom because instead of exercising her mind she has made a group of new friends that i don’t even know. she spends all day with them she doesn’t see me she hardly talks to me and when she does its usually full of insults and bringing up the past that i thought was already well behind us. she isn’t trying at all. and to top it all off i hear she’s dating a guy she’s hanging out with but she denies it. how am i supposed to believe her when she’s been sneaking around and lying to me? whens he’s not even asking the guy to apologize to me or her for making her look trashy? she’s not even bothered to speak to him and tell him anything about what he claims. seems like its true doesn’t it? seems like she’s really with someone else doesn’t it? and this isn’t the first time she’s lied and pushed me away like this and the last time it was about her freedom.

if someone doesn’t want to commit to a relationship why do you keep your partner waiting in hope while your out doing whatever you want? its not fair. you want to go go! you are dating someone else leave me and enjoy with him. you want your freedom take it and have your life without me. don’t keep me on the side lines lying about everything and making false promises. don’t tell me your trying when theres no proof of it.
a break doesn’t go on for this long. I’ve managed to already make plenty of changes to my life for her in a weeks time. it doesn’t take 38 days to clear your head especially when things have been going more than perfect.
i will never understand what she’s doing and why she’s doing it. i would love to make some sense of it. but for now I’m just waiting, hoping not even knowing if she’s actually really going to be with me or not.

Breaks are stupid you either choose to stay and make it work or you leave for good! its simple!


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Chubby..RIP

My Dog Chubby Passed away last week..

it was shocking because he was so young, he was only 4 years old. He was a happy happy hyper dog who never did any harm to anyone.

he was a dog who got excited whenever you walked into the house.

he was a good dog with bad habits but he was a good dog.

We miss him so much.. we never got to get emotionally connected fully because he was a dog who loved to play but hated being loved..

Heres a little video for him.

Miss you Chubby, We love you!


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Anger and Insecurities

So if you are following us on our social media you will know that Timi is back home… FOR GOOD!

God its amazing to have her home. Long distance really wasn’t for us at all. We tried it but we failed miserably, we are both to blame for that but i don’t want to get into all the bad stuff that happened. I want to focus not the good because that girl came back home for me and I am so lucky. It might be selfish of me to have pressured her into it but it let it be her decision. If she didn’t want to I wouldn’t have forced her but i don’t know how much longer we would have lasted. But now she’s here and were lasting. She made a big sacrifice for me and I’m thankful for it, very very very grateful.

Unfortunately though even though she’s back I’m still not able to get over my insecurities but given the amount of things we had been though with long distance i think its ok, it will take some time. only problem here is it makes me lash out, i get angry and sometimes it gets ugly. i don’t mean for it to but these thoughts come into my head i start creating things in my mind because of the past and then i snap. I have always had anger issues ever since i was younger but i have learnt to get it in control but sometimes i can’t control it and thats whats bad.

Timi came here for me so she asked me to go see a therapist for my anger so i did but it turned out that wasn’t for me. I already know what to do and how I can stay cool and calm myself but i don’t practice it like i should. I need to and i will. for me Working out and having a fixed routine is what keeps me calm, i had that before she came but once she came we just wanted to be stuck to each other as much as possible and i fell out of my routine and it was ok to begin with but in the past 2 weeks i feel my temper coming on. It has come, it comes and goes and sometimes it leads to big fights and other times small fights. And its all because of my insecurities. i have reason fro all my insecurities, Timi agrees too but i just want it to go.

Insecurities and a bad temper really doesn’t work well in a relationship. it can blow up and it has a few times. She doesn’t blame me for being insecure, she knows i never was until the long distance and she understands it will take time but i need to get my anger in control. So I’m trying to work towards getting back into my routine and she will support me. I really hope it works. I am also reading a book on anger management so hopefully that will help me too.

We fight, we bicker and i told her if I stop bickering and fighting thats the day she will know I’m not in love with her anymore. So that will never stop. For my relationship with tiki, I’m obsessed with her, i don’t know if its good or bad, maybe its both but i am obsessed and that too is something that makes us fight sometimes because like they say “Desire is the root of our anger” and my obsession with her and us as a couple tends to be overwhelming maybe and i react badly to simple situations that can be solved in a simple way. But i think I’m too passionate and sometimes when that leads to anger it can be expressed in a bad way which is usually the case with me. I know i have a lot of improvements i need to make in myself and i am going to.

I don’t want her ever thinking she made a bad decision coming back home. She did something huge for me, i owe it to her to give her everything, everything great.

So fingers crossed i can get my shit together and try to eliminate my anger and insecurities once and for all.

X

Nik


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“Hang Man” Apology

We all make mistakes, whether it’s a big mistake or a small mistake an apology is always needed some times more than one!.

So I thought of a way to say sorry every day and just make her smile even if it’s just for a few mins. You won’t be forgiven but you will give her a laugh with this one!

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CLICK HERE for the Hang Man Printable.

Instructions

  1. Print out the Card, cut and stick it on card stock
  2. Cut the stick man and stick a picture of your face in it
  3. Get a string and tie it around the neck and stick the other end with glue.

When you give the card and they open it you end up hanging. I Wrote “I deserve to Hang” inside and Timi laughed…a lot.. I guess I deserve it but as long as I got her to smile.

Try it out the next time you have to say you’re sorry!

X

Nik

 


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Perfect Birthday Pressiesssss!

It was Timi’s birthday on the 7th of August. I had a full day planned out for her as well as Presents!!!!!!

It was a Thursday so i had to go to work but I managed to get off early.

I planned that we would start our afternoon by going to a Spa and then Shooting after that i had a romantic dinner planned as well as gifts.

The gifts part is what i really wanted to share with you Because they are so adorable and its a great idea for everyone! The video of our whole day is at the end of the Post if you want to take a look :)

One of the gifts she totally loved was the one with her favorite picture of us printed on canvas.

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The Illustration

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The Picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I got the picture locally printed on canvas but if you want to get an illustration made of your pictures heres the link.

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On Canvas

I used Fiverr and I found this guy and he did it super fast and it turned out perfect! Defiantly try him out its only 5$!!!! Getting it printed on canvas was a different price but i guess it will vary wherever you live. Getting mine printed cost me a bit more because I did it though a company who operates online and delivers it home without me going there. But I’m sure it shouldn’t cost much.

Another gift I put together (the one i give her during dinner) was illustrations of memories of our relationship. That was really cute even i loved it! I used Fiverr for that too. Heres the link for the user Kathy. “Draw your love story” .  She was great to work with. I contacted her and just had to describe the memories and she made the illustrations. Again 5$ for each image so I paid 40 $ in total for this one.

Tiki’s Journey

This is how i put it together. We decided that we would keep adding memories to it and make it a big fat thing :) Kathy has agreed to continue making them for us. :)

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These are great personalized gifts. I chose my own way to present it and theres many many other ways that you can.

So i just wanted to share these great gift ideas with you, they are cute, personalized and Cheap! Finding Fiverr.com was like the best thing ever!

The whole day is in the video below.

Enjoy!

xx

Nik

 

 

 

How We Met!

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Finally we made a How We met Video! our followers have been asking for the story. here it is.

Tell us your stories, we want to hear them.

 

Leave your comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to our Channel

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Relationship tattoos..cheesy? No!

Love tattoos…relationship tattoos..matching tattoos..seems chelice? Cheesy? Yeah we know but we wanted them anyway!

I came across an adorable tattoo while browsing though Tumblr one evening and I showed it to Timi and she loved it too and we said we will do it!
Anyway for a while after we hadn’t seen each other and the topic kind of dropped. But when I went to see her for our 2 year anniversary we decided to do it!

Before heading out to Aiga Napa we stopped at the tattoo parlor that we made out appointment at to get it done. We got there half am hour late and the guy was so rude to us. We told him its so small it won’t take your time at all. Anyway so we proceeded to get it done. Timi went first I went second we were supper happy with the results and when we said thank you to the tattoo artist he said “thanks for nothing” so we left the money in the chair as he instructed us to and left..(20 euros each) yes it was a small tattoo but it meant a lot to us. his rudeness didn’t bother us at all because we were going to have a great anniversary trip!

Here’s the tattoo the first day.
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After our trip I came back home and Timi obviously stayed there.
As our tattoos started healing I realized how badly done it was. He was so put off that he had to do such a tiny thing he didnt even do it right.
Here’s the healed tattoos:
Mine

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Timis

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Bad job huh?
So it had been bothering me lie crazy, well bothering us like crazy. So we decided we needed to fix it.
After searching and searching for a tattoo artist at home I finally came across one ( its illegal here)

I made an appointment for when timi was visiting. We both went and got it done again for the second time!

Mine started healing yesterday and still crappy!
Oh and the guy totally had it in for my girl pissed me off but I didn’t say anything coz he didn’t say or do anything I just got the feeling.. Anyway..
Here’s mine:

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Here’s Timis:
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Hers is finally good mine still sucked so I went back to him today and lets hope 3rd time is the charm!

He opened his door and I was with another friend he didnt even look at us he just looked confused. So I walked in and said “hey…this is my friend Nazz” and he’s like “Not the other girl?” well obviously not ! The look of disappointment in his face was so obvious but I didn’t want to say anything so just left it. Then he’s like “It’s your finger? Not your friend?” I was like “umm it was my number wasn’t it ? So yeah mine not hers” anyway point is I was right my feeling was correct! Arghh hate it so much! Can’t even say anything because of the culture in this country. So annoying!

Anyway..Here it is today freshly done… After a week ill know if it worked this time or not! If not I don’t know :(

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Anyway point issss it’s adorable and I really hope it works this time!

Cute little thing to do with your partner obviously be sure of them first!
:)
X
Nik


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I’m Coming Home….I’m Coming Home….Tell the World I’m coming hommmmeee

Hey,
So I haven’t written a post in a long time, and I think its just because ive been really busy and i didnt know what really to talk about. But now I do, and I have really great news. SOOOO im finally moving back home, back to my life back to my girlfriend, and its awesome because we can finally be us again. What pisses me off though is that my friends dont get it. They think im making a huge mistake but what does my life have to do with theirs? Its my life my decision and if its what makes me happy then why shouldnt i do it? Im the kind of person that believes in love, that I could be homeless with no money no house no food nothing but as long as im with the person I love ill be the happiest girl alive and I will die content. Thats how I see my life, thats how I want to be happy and content, I dont want to base my opinion on others and then regret what could have been the biggest regret of my life. So yea, thats basically an update with me, and im super stoked only 2 more weeks left and I’ll be home back in my babys arms! FINALLY!!!
Timi x

Cute 2 Year Anniversary Surprise

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After a rough month apart our 2 year anniversary was getting closer so i took it as an opportunity to go surprise Timi.

Because of how much we had been fighting she didn’t think i would show up for our anniversary but i did!
It worked in my advantage coz she was not suspicious at all and had noooo clue!

 

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