So if you are following us on our social media you will know that Timi is back home… FOR GOOD!
God its amazing to have her home. Long distance really wasn’t for us at all. We tried it but we failed miserably, we are both to blame for that but i don’t want to get into all the bad stuff that happened. I want to focus not the good because that girl came back home for me and I am so lucky. It might be selfish of me to have pressured her into it but it let it be her decision. If she didn’t want to I wouldn’t have forced her but i don’t know how much longer we would have lasted. But now she’s here and were lasting. She made a big sacrifice for me and I’m thankful for it, very very very grateful.
Unfortunately though even though she’s back I’m still not able to get over my insecurities but given the amount of things we had been though with long distance i think its ok, it will take some time. only problem here is it makes me lash out, i get angry and sometimes it gets ugly. i don’t mean for it to but these thoughts come into my head i start creating things in my mind because of the past and then i snap. I have always had anger issues ever since i was younger but i have learnt to get it in control but sometimes i can’t control it and thats whats bad.
Timi came here for me so she asked me to go see a therapist for my anger so i did but it turned out that wasn’t for me. I already know what to do and how I can stay cool and calm myself but i don’t practice it like i should. I need to and i will. for me Working out and having a fixed routine is what keeps me calm, i had that before she came but once she came we just wanted to be stuck to each other as much as possible and i fell out of my routine and it was ok to begin with but in the past 2 weeks i feel my temper coming on. It has come, it comes and goes and sometimes it leads to big fights and other times small fights. And its all because of my insecurities. i have reason fro all my insecurities, Timi agrees too but i just want it to go.
Insecurities and a bad temper really doesn’t work well in a relationship. it can blow up and it has a few times. She doesn’t blame me for being insecure, she knows i never was until the long distance and she understands it will take time but i need to get my anger in control. So I’m trying to work towards getting back into my routine and she will support me. I really hope it works. I am also reading a book on anger management so hopefully that will help me too.
We fight, we bicker and i told her if I stop bickering and fighting thats the day she will know I’m not in love with her anymore. So that will never stop. For my relationship with tiki, I’m obsessed with her, i don’t know if its good or bad, maybe its both but i am obsessed and that too is something that makes us fight sometimes because like they say “Desire is the root of our anger” and my obsession with her and us as a couple tends to be overwhelming maybe and i react badly to simple situations that can be solved in a simple way. But i think I’m too passionate and sometimes when that leads to anger it can be expressed in a bad way which is usually the case with me. I know i have a lot of improvements i need to make in myself and i am going to.
I don’t want her ever thinking she made a bad decision coming back home. She did something huge for me, i owe it to her to give her everything, everything great.
So fingers crossed i can get my shit together and try to eliminate my anger and insecurities once and for all.